she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
