nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
