Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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