This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
