I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
