standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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