sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
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