i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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