She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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