he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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