It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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