i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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