Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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