i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
