When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
