I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
