but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
