sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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