i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
