Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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