i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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