using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
