im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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