i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
