bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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