Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
