his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
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