i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
