Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize