I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
