sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
