don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
