So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
