I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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