She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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