If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
