Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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