Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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