Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
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I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
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I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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