literally had 100 drinks last night.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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