I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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