the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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