the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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