WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
