big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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