Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
