I am puke
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
