I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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