When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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