Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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