i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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