i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
