I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
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I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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