I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
