he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
