Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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