smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
