The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
