You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
