i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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