Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
